Look at that hot, syrupy action.
If you’re like me, and I’m betting you are, you often find yourself sitting around the house (wearing only underwear, of course) thinking “Man. I wish I had some sort of a way to make this shitty, tasteless, poorly made American Industrial Lager taste better. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like how easy drinking it is, but I just wish it had a little more ‘oomph.’” Well, brothers and sisters, have I got something for you!
The creators of Crystal Pepsi and that stuff you put in your gas tank to give you better gas mileage bring you (not fact checked, but I’m pretty sure it’s true): OnTap Liquid Beer Enhancer. Yes, gone are the days of having to suffer through shitty beer. Now, all you have to do is bust out one of their Syrup of the Gods dispensers and BAM! Instant Craft Beer (not flavor tested).
From the website
Just squeeze a few drops of one of OnTap’s great flavors in to a glass of beer and you’ll get a unique and great tasting beverage. Make each bottle or glass the same, or make each one different. It’s up to you how each one tastes
Yes, it’s up to you to see what horrors you can craft in the privacy of your own home. And I highly recommend doing this in the privacy of your own home. Unless you don’t like having friends.
Add our liquid flavor enhancer to a domestic light lager and enjoy a craft brew taste at a fraction of the cost. One bottle of OnTap holds enough to improve the flavor of a full 18-pack of standard 12oz. beers, depending on how much you use.
What better way to create a better beer experience for yourself than to add artificial flavoring to an already kind of artificial tasting beer. I mean, it’s not like there are that many options at the beer store, right?
The flavor “packets” (or whatever the hell they’re calling them) cost $4.99. So when you add that to the 12 pack of crappy beer you bought for $10.99, it actually costs more than a 12 pack of actual Craft Beer!! Now, don’t you all put on your pants all at once and order these; you’ll crash their servers. And then we’ll all be sad.
In all seriousness, you don’t have to put on any pants, You can order these online, so you don’t have to leave your house. Oh, and if you’re ordering one of these, nobody likes you anyway, so who cares if you have pants on or not?